She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
