I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
