we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
