No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
