last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
