You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
