As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
