so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
