I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
