please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
