My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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