I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its not stalking. its research.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
