ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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