She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
