Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
