i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
