areolas are like halos for boobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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