Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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