he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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