How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
