is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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