I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
