i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
