so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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