OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
