He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
