I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
