I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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