My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
