I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
