He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
