One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
