sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
