I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Come see our sink grown plant.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
