I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
