It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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