I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
