I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
