i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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