I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
