There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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