put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
