if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Randomize
