You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
