I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We need to rekindle our bromance
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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