well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
