this boner is exhausting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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