Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
