1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
