I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
