I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
